Liars!

You know, I have a number of friends who have been pregnant and I've assumed the things they've been telling me about pregnancy and labor and parenthood have been true. As of last night I find them all to be liars . . . or at least omitters

Here's more information than anyone needs, but what the heck. Last night I was looking at my boobs. Since becoming pregnant they've gotten larger and changed color and are doing all sorts of funky things. Apparently they also now leak. I expected that after the baby is born, but not 2-3 months before. Perhaps I was wrong in thinking I was close with my friends because this is something I would have thought they would have mentioned - while they were pregnant, when I became pregnant - at any point in time. But because this was omitted I've begun to wonder what else they aren't telling me. Is labor really not that bad? Is parenthood really a wonderful thing?

Amy believes it is a giant conspiracy to ensure the continuation of the human race. Upon having a child you receive the double secret probation instruction manual and an access code to a website. The website contains the most recent list of all things about pregnancy and parenting that you are not allowed to tell those who do not yet have a child. In exchange for the double secret probation instruction manual and continual updates you promise to abide by the omitting laws.

I think she's on to something. If they (meaning the mothers) were free to really discuss how things really are while pregnant, delivering, or after - only stupid people would decide to have children. This way, we have stupid and smart babies.

Anything else I should know, friends?